The Dearest Love

You know what sucks? Being a girl. Being a boy probably sucks, too. I guess life just sucks sometimes. Haha. I'm still working on that good outweighing the bad thing I was talking about last post. It's been a rough few days. Just FYI, under the direction of my parents I forewent telling my broseph that I have totalled our corolla--at least until we decide what we are going to do about it. My mother had to give me a ride to and from Alex's today and I felt LAME. I got home, saw my car parked on the side of my house, and cried for a minute. Melissa gave me the best advice I got after my car accident. I don't remember it word for word but the effect of it was.. You'll be okay, after you cry it out. And ohhh I did. I cried the whole day of my wreck and thought I was done. But I guess I have a little more to do before I'm over it completely. It just sucks. But it's better that I get my crying about not having a car out now as opposed to when I'm at college and there will be a wider pool of people to make fun of me for it. My friends here don't make fun of me for it. I love them. :)

Speaking of college.. My mind is on a rollercoaster with that one. Every two minutes my mind changes.
 The first two minutes my thoughts go: Woot! I can't wait to see my friends from SOAR, and Maryland, and make new friends, and live on my own, and go to college football games and be a student, and I'm excited for my classes and to learn, and to be independent!
The next two minutes go: I would rather die than go to college. I'm not going to have any friends. I'm going to fail all my classes. I won't function without my parents. I won't have anything to wear. I'm dropping out and perhaps going to Dixie. Or stopping time. Or something.
We'll see how that battle in my head goes once I get up to Provo. I guess my best bet is to accept that I'm moving in less than a month, get excited about it, and give up the cold feet. One thing I'm very excited about: Hanging out with my future husband the tennis star haha. Although it will purely be HANGING OUT until he is legal at least.. :( Yeah. If you don't know about that one just don't worry about it.

K Back to it sucking to be a girl. It really does. I have been having the WORST luck with boys for the past.. I don't know, 18 years, haha. I'm so sick of it! It's like. I'm out of high school maybe it could at least get a little better. But nope. I swear. It's getting progressively worse. So in college I am going to avoid dating like the plague. I am just NOT good at boys. Oh well, right? Anywho. I'm just going through another one of my... like a boy, get led on to an extent, get ignored, the end.. kinda phases and I'm always pretty bummed at the end of those. But as I was in the shower (TMI?) I was listening to this song from Rodgers and Hammersteins Cinderella (which I love by the way) called The Dearest Love... Hence the title of this post. And this song claims that "The Dearest Love I'll Ever Know Is Waiting Somewhere For Me." And although I know this song is from a sappy, fairy tale, and that life is not a fairy tale.. I'm still holding out hope. You know. I bet the dearest love I'll ever know IS waiting somewhere for me. And hey. If you're in the same boat as I am, I bet it's waiting somewhere for you, too. And if you've already found the dearest love in all the world and are pitying me as you read this.. screw you. Haha. I'm totally kidding! But it IS kinda hard to be happy for those around you that are happy when you are miserable. Have you noticed that? I have. And. I know I say this every post but regardless of my semi miserable state.. I know how blessed I am. I really am. But as previously stated. Sometimes life sucks. But that's the point right? And I'm totally gonna endure to the end. Watch me. :)

Really life is good. I spent the day at the lake and aside from a now sunburnt face had a GREAT time and got darker. Thanks Alex... And Tracy :) I'm going to play with Mike at his cabin for a couple days and I can't wait. I'm so lucky I even got IN to BYU so really I can't wait to get there.. And I think Rachel and I finally have our all sports passes figured out. But hey. Before I go up to college.. I have this super cute board that's like.. a scrapbook on a board that my sister made for me like five years ago. And we are re-doing it before I leave. Any suggestions on pics that MUST be on the board or color schemes? I'm thinking black and purpleish.. And I'll post a few pics that I'm tentatively planning on putting on it. I'm putting that one of Alex and I that's posted to the right! I love Alex's camera for taking such amazing pictures..It took that one! Okay. Long post. much love--Mary 
PS. In case you were wondering. I have a plaque with a quote from Dumbledore on it hanging in my bedroom and that baby is coming with me to my dorm. Don't worry. I already cleared it with my roommate. :)

Ok that's like four of probably 12 or so I'll put on it. But you get the idea.